There are countless Halloween traditions in the Netherworld. Every community, every household, seemingly every individual has their own flair, their own method to greet this great holiday.

Arguments over “best” are frequent and friendly. Showmanship is common, alliances are formed and quickly dismantled in the wake of inspiration and shared ideas.

There is, however, one Halloween tradition that so regularly wins in competitions that it is often given its own category: Penny P. Post’s pumpkin and woodsmoke cookies.

It is not known if Penny’s cookies contain an ingredient only available from September through October, but these dates are the only time when she will bake them. Imitators and duplicators try every year to bake their own, all with Penny’s express approval and even recipe assistance — but all fall short.

Pre-orders are taken in August at both Creepy Crepes, the diner on Clavicle Lane and Donut Be Afraid, the coffee and donut shop on Sepulchral Street. Large, special batches are often requested by entire towns and cities across the Netherworld, and many who live in the wilderness alone send friends, familiars, and summoned fiends with their order (note: it is a common practice is to tip your delivery monster with some of the cookies.)

“She won’t tell anyone her secrets, and she won’t make them early or after the season,” complained Zelda K. Arcadia, witch, Penny’s wife. “Not even for me.”

Royalty, witches and wizards with godlike abilities, dragons with hoards that boggle the mind, have all tried to bribe the baking vampire to share her secret. All receive a polite, and firm, “No. Now wait your turn, please.”

Everyone and everything is regarded equal in the necessary wait for pumpkin and woodsmoke cookies.

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